Why Boundaries are the Key to Freedom (Yes, Really)
Healthy Boundaries Explained: How Knowing Your Limits Can Improve Mental Health, Relationships, and Daily Life.
Illustration By: Chaaya Prabhat
The Surprising Link Between Boundaries and Freedom
“Boundaries” and “freedom” might sound like opposites at first. One implies limits. The other feels expansive. But what I’ve come to know, both through my work as a therapist and in my own life, is this:
Boundaries are one of the most powerful ways we can reclaim our energy, reconnect with ourselves, and move through life feeling lighter, clearer, and yes, freer.
As therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab says:
“Boundaries are not just a practice of self-protection — they’re a declaration of self-worth.”
That’s what makes them so liberating.
So, What Are Boundaries Really?
To me, boundaries are the standards we set for how we want to be treated — by others and by ourselves. They help us tune into what matters most, what feels good, and what doesn’t. They help us recognise our limits and honour our needs. And they act as a guide for the kind of life we want to create — one rooted in self-respect, clarity, and care.
Healthy boundaries aren’t walls. They’re invitations.
They invite us to live with more self-trust and more alignment. They remind us that we’re allowed to protect our peace. And they open the door to more meaningful, nourishing connections — with ourselves and the people around us.
When our boundaries are shaky or unclear, we might notice:
Our stress levels creeping up
Feeling overwhelmed or resentful
Struggling to say no
Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings
Losing touch with what we need
Let’s explore the different kinds of boundaries that help protect our wellbeing and manage our energy wisely.
Types of Boundaries That Set You Free
1. Physical Boundaries
This is about your body, your personal space, and your right to comfort. It includes everything from how close someone stands, to whether you feel safe being touched, to your need for privacy.
You might notice physical boundaries being crossed when someone brushes past your unspoken limits — a colleague who hugs you instead of shaking hands, a family member who enters your room without knocking, or a stranger who assumes too much familiarity.
A gentle but firm response might sound like:
“I need a bit more space, thank you,” or “I’m not comfortable with that.”
2. Emotional Boundaries
Emotional boundaries allow you to stay connected to your own feelings without being consumed by other people’s. They help you express vulnerability safely, say how you feel without fear of being dismissed, and hold space for yourself without absorbing what isn’t yours.
They sound like:
“Please don’t minimise what I’m feeling,” or “I need some time to process this in my own way.”
It’s not your job to carry the emotional weight of others or to shrink your sensitivity to make others more comfortable.
3. Intellectual Boundaries
Your thoughts, beliefs, and ideas are your own. Intellectual boundaries protect your right to explore your worldview without fear of ridicule or dismissal.
You might say:
“I’d prefer if we didn’t talk about that topic today,” or “I hear that’s how you see it — I have a different view.”
This boundary is less about always agreeing and more about respecting difference without needing to convince or correct.
4. Sexual Boundaries
Sexual boundaries relate to consent, comfort, and how safe you feel in your body. They include your right to say no, to change your mind, or to ask for something to stop — without needing to explain why.
They are not fixed. They can shift depending on how you feel, who you’re with, or what feels right in the moment. What matters is your ability to listen to yourself and respond with care.
You might say:
“I said no. This needs to stop now.” or “I’m not comfortable with this.”
Your body’s discomfort is reason enough.
You don’t need to justify it. You just need to trust it.
5. Material Boundaries
This is about your belongings, your finances, your home, and your generosity. It’s okay to have limits around what you’re willing to give, lend, or share — even with people you care deeply about.
You might say:
“I’m not in a position to help financially right now,” or “I’d prefer you ask before borrowing that.”
Boundaries here aren’t stingy or cold. They’re about protecting your sense of safety and your relationship with what you value.
6. Time Boundaries
Time boundaries protect your capacity. They help you recognise your limits before resentment builds. They make space for rest, joy, and the things that matter most.
You might say:
“I’m happy to chat, but I only have 15 minutes,” or “I need to leave by 6pm.”
Time is not just something you give away. It’s a resource — and you are allowed to protect it.
Illustration By: Chaaya Prabhat
Boundaries protect what fills your cup, so you’re not constantly running on empty.
7. Technology Boundaries
We live in a world that constantly pulls at our attention. The scroll, the pings, the pressure to always be available. Technology boundaries help you reclaim focus and choose presence over reaction.
You might say:
“I don’t check emails after 7pm,” or “I’ve turned notifications off so I can concentrate.”
Technology isn’t the enemy. But it can begin to erode your energy if you don’t have boundaries around when and how you engage.
8. Social Boundaries
Not every relationship deserves equal access to your life. Some people fill your cup. Others slowly empty it. Social boundaries help you discern the difference.
You might say:
“I’m keeping my evening quiet, but I’d love to catch up another time,” or “I’m not able to talk right now, but I’ll be in touch when I can.”
Boundaries in your social world help you preserve your energy, choose intentional connection, and create space to be fully yourself.
9. Work Boundaries
Work boundaries help separate your professional identity from your personal life. They remind you that you are more than your productivity and that your worth is not measured by output.
You might say:
“I won’t be checking my inbox over the weekend,” or “I’m not available to stay back today — let’s revisit this tomorrow.”
Your job is one part of your life. It should not consume the whole of it.
10. Conversational Boundaries
Not everything is up for discussion. Some conversations feel intrusive, triggering, or simply unnecessary. You have the right to protect your emotional safety by steering the conversation elsewhere.
You might say:
“I’d prefer not to go there,” or “That’s not something I’m comfortable talking about.”
Your inner world is not public property. You’re allowed to protect your peace.
11. Mental Boundaries
Mental boundaries are about holding onto your own thoughts and beliefs when others challenge them. They also help you stay grounded in who you are — even in moments of disagreement or disconnection.
You might say:
“I hear your view, but I don’t see it that way,” or “I need to reflect before I continue this conversation.”
Mental boundaries help you preserve your internal clarity.
12. Energy Boundaries
Not everything deserves your emotional labour. These boundaries are about noticing what drains you and giving yourself permission to step back.
Sometimes, the most honest thing you can say is:
“I don’t have the capacity for this right now.”
Energy is not infinite. You deserve to rest, to pause, and to breathe.
But What If Setting Boundaries Feels... Hard?
You’re not alone. Boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first. They can stir guilt, fear, or self-doubt — especially if you weren’t taught they were okay. But with practice, they get easier. And with time, they feel less like confrontation and more like liberation.
Let’s gently challenge a few common myths:
1. “Boundaries are selfish.”
Boundaries are a form of self-respect. They help regulate your nervous system, protect your peace, and keep you grounded.
As Brené Brown puts it:
“People who set healthy boundaries are the ones who are the most compassionate. Why? Because they’re not resentful.”
When we give from a place of depletion, it isn’t truly giving — it’s self-abandonment.
2. “If I don’t have expectations, I won’t get hurt.”
I remember being told this, and it sounded wise at the time. But looking back, I realise how much I silenced my own needs. Having expectations doesn’t make you demanding — it means you have self-worth.
3. “Boundaries hurt the people I love.”
Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about creating more respectful and honest relationships. Hurt feelings often come from how the boundary is delivered. Assertive, kind communication makes all the difference.
4. “Boundaries equal conflict.”
Not necessarily. Clear communication prevents more conflict than it creates.
Try saying: “I feel uncomfortable when…” or “I need some time to myself right now.”
Illustration By: Chaaya Prabhat
And finally, the one that still quietly irks me: “Boundaries aren’t for my culture.”
This one hits close to home for many of us raised in collectivist cultures, where closeness is often equated with sacrifice, and love is expressed through selflessness. In these environments, boundaries can feel unfamiliar — even confronting. You may have heard things like: “We don’t do boundaries in this family,” or “Putting yourself first is selfish.”
But here’s the truth — boundaries aren’t a rejection of your culture. They’re a way of caring for yourself within it. They’re about choosing connection that doesn’t come at the cost of your wellbeing. They’re about holding respect for your elders and for your inner voice.
In many cultures, obedience, duty, and loyalty are deeply valued. And while those values can be meaningful, they can also become heavy when you’re never allowed to say no, rest, or name your own needs.
Honouring your boundaries might look like:
Saying no to an obligation when you feel emotionally depleted
Expressing discomfort instead of staying silent to keep the peace
Letting go of roles you’ve been expected to carry, quietly and without question
Choosing not to explain yourself, even when that feels foreign
You can still love your family, still respect your elders, still be proud of where you come from — and also say: this doesn’t feel okay for me.
Boundaries in collectivist cultures are often misunderstood — but that doesn’t make them wrong.
You are allowed to protect your peace, even if no one else around you is doing the same.
You are allowed to honour your needs, your heritage, and your healing — all at once.
If This Has Stirred Something in You
If you’re feeling like you’ve been overextending, overexplaining, or just plain overwhelmed — pause here. Take a breath.
You don’t need to overhaul everything overnight. But you can begin to notice the parts of your life where things feel off — and start exploring what you want instead.
Gentle reflection prompts:
Where in my life do I feel consistently drained or stretched too thin?
What kinds of interactions or situations leave me feeling resentful, anxious, or unseen?
Where am I saying “yes” when I really mean “no”?
What am I craving more of — rest, clarity, space, respect?
What’s one small boundary I could set this week that would help protect my energy?
Boundaries don’t need to be dramatic to be life-changing. Sometimes, they sound like “Not today,” or “I need a little more time.” Sometimes, they feel like silence. Or distance. Or finally saying no without apology.
You’re allowed to protect your peace.
You’re allowed to honour your limits.
You’re allowed to live in a way that feels true to you.
Because boundaries aren’t a burden.
They’re a return to yourself.
Love, Anika x
