Grief Brought Me Back to Myself
A therapist’s journey through grief, growth, and self-trust.
Illustration By: Olivia Herrick Design
The start of my return
Six years ago, I was in the crux of my grief, at my lowest of lows. One of those seasons where you’re not sure how you’ll ever find your way back. I didn’t know how I was going to pick myself up again.
There’s a saying that to find yourself, you must first hit rock bottom. I don’t necessarily believe that’s true for everyone, but it certainly was for me.
I’m a deep thinker, a meaning-maker. And while there was no sense to be made of the grief itself, one thing became crystal clear: life can change in a split second.
I realised I had taken so much time for granted. I’d let the external noise, and my own limiting beliefs get in the way of living a life that was mine. I had spent so long people-pleasing, pushing my needs aside, afraid to look too closely at the parts of my life that no longer fit, the job that no longer lit up my soul, the friendships that chipped away at my sense of self, the creeping feeling that I had lost touch with who I was.
So, I leaned into my supports.
And I patiently practised the skills I knew were going to help me grow into myself. And slowly, I began to rewire my mind.
I started feeling like me again. No — I started feeling more like me than I ever had before.
There is no shame in choosing yourself.
I learnt to set boundaries — with others and with myself. I began putting my needs first. And something unexpected happened: my relationships deepened. I was showing up authentically, minus the fear of “being too much”. I stopped making myself small to fit into places I never truly belonged in. I stopped explaining myself to people who never really saw me. I reclaimed my power.
I felt free. Liberated. Alive.
Illustration By: @clinpsych_ind
I decided to go back to the drawing board. I thought about little Neeks — and all the things she’d dreamt of doing. And I began doing them.
Somewhere along the way, I had stopped believing in how capable I really was. I had settled. I had dulled my fire. But I was never meant for a mediocre life.
I am adventurous. I am outgoing. I am curious. I’m always up for trying something once. I learn from my experiences and adapt. I love change. I love travel. I love learning. I crave freedom and peace. And when I feel free and at peace — my heart beats in rhythm.
So, I quit my job. I went back to school to train as a therapist— even though I’d sworn I’d never study again after finishing my master’s degree. I studied with a toddler by my side.
I took a massive pay cut and started working in community mental health, supporting people navigating some of life’s heaviest challenges.
Step by step, I made my way towards becoming a clinician.
And, in the consult room, something clicked. Everything, my training, my life experiences, my sensitivity, my ability to sit with someone without judgement came together. And I felt it deep in my bones:
This is me.
All of me.
Doing what I was meant to do.
Once I felt like I had enough experience to back me, I gave in to the nudge to take it up a notch. To create something of my own.
I’d always dreamt of running my own business. The freedom to choose when I work and when I play. I decided to dive in headfirst and launched my private practice.
A colleague asked, “Why now?”
And I said, “Why not now?”
She was at a loss for words.
Me being clear, courageous, and confident in my decision, threw her. She’s now working on starting her own private practice.
Because when we’re brave enough to follow our truth, we empower others to do the same.
Running my own business, on my terms, has been the most life-affirming decision I’ve ever made. I’m proud of the risks I’ve taken. I’m proud of how far I’ve come. And I feel deeply honoured to walk alongside the incredible clients who trust me with their stories.
Quote By: Dr. Alex George
Grief is awful. It rips you apart.
It leaves you not knowing who you are or how you’ll ever feel like yourself again.
But if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other… if you keep tending to your needs gently, steadily, patiently… one day, you’ll smile again. One day, you’ll feel proud again. One day, you’ll thrive again.
The grief doesn’t go away. It walks beside you, softly, every single day. It shapes you. It stretches you. And, it can also bring you home to yourself.
So do the thing. The thing you’ve been holding back on. The thing your heart keeps whispering about. It will be hard. You’ll change. Your world will shift. Some people may fall away. But you’ll feel alive again. You’ll feel like you. And that is worth every single step.
“I jumped, not because I wasn’t scared, but because I was ready to trust myself anyway.” Kawarau Bridge Bungy, Queenstown, New Zealand.
Most people who work in the mental health space have a story. A reason why.
This is some of mine.
In our training, we’re taught not to share too much of ourselves with our clients and in many ways, that makes sense. It keeps the focus where it belongs.
But I also believe we cannot remove the human from the healing.
When we open up to someone, we want to know they get it. That they, too, are human. That they, too, have felt lost, uncertain, broken, raw and have kept going anyway.
So here I am.
Being human.
Being vulnerable.
Sharing my story in the hope that something in it reminds you that you can return to yourself, too.
That your power is already within you.
That the life you crave is waiting.
And, I’m rooting for you every step of the way.
Anika x
Join Me on Instagram for Free Tips, Tools, and Insights
